Mental Health FAQs - Domestic or Relationship Violence

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Women's Health

1. What is Domestic Violence or Relationship Violence?

Domestic or Relationship Violence is when you’re in a relationship and someone tries to control you by making your scared or intimidated.

Sometimes that means threatening to be violent against you or actually being violent towards you.

CALL 911 IF SOMEONE THREATENS YOU WITH VIOLENCE OR IS PHYSICALLY VIOLENT TO YOU.

2. What are the different kinds of Domestic Violence or Relationship Violence?

Physical Assault, Which Can Include:

Shoving

Pushing

Pinning

Pinching

Being stepped on

Being sat on

Hitting

Kicking

Pulling hair

Any thing that hurts the body

Psychological Assault, Which Looks Like:

Someone trying to control where you can go

Someone trying to control who you can see

Someone trying to control who you can talk to

Someone trying to control what you can or can’t wear

Threats

Intimidation

Calling you bad or hurtful names

Making you feel bad

Not letting you work or make your own money

Not letting you see your family or friends.

Both physical and psychological assault can get worse and more common over time if nothing is done about them.

3. What are the warning signs of being in an abusive relationship?

Your partner is extremely jealous, possessive, and wants you to only be with him/her.

You are criticized and put down by your partner.

Your partner holds feelings in when upset and has difficulty expressing feelings.

Your partner has an explosive temper or loses his/her temper easily or over small things.

Your partner has broken things, thrown things, or has hit, shoved, slapped or hurt you physically in any way.

Your partner blames others for his/her problems or feelings.

Your partner controls your decisions, behavior, social life, who your friends are, what you wear or where you go.

Your partner has feelings of insecurity about him/herself and your relationship; has low self-esteem.

Your partner drinks heavily or uses drugs.

If your partner is male, he believes that men should be in control, and women are inferior to men.

5. How can I increase my safety while I am still in the violent relationship?

Keep important phone numbers (police, domestic violence hotlines or shelters, family and friends) with you at all times and always have change for a phone call.

Tell as many people as you can about the violence and ask them to call the police if they ever think you’re in danger.

Develop code words to use with friends and family when you are in immediate danger.

Make a list of several places you could go to be safe if you needed to get away in a hurry.

Find a person or place where you can leave emergency money, keys and clothes.

Join a support group for victims of relationship violence.

6. How can I increase my safety when leaving a violent relationship or when the relationship is over?

Go to court and get a restraining order and give copes to the police, your school, your workplace or any other place where you spend time. Keep a copy with you at all times.

Tell the people close to you about the violence and that you are no longer in the relationship and ask them to look out for you and get help if they ever think you are in danger.

If possible, change any locks in your house that the abuser has keys to.

Make an escape plan in case you are in danger and have to leave home suddenly.

Try not to be alone in isolated areas.

Find someone you feel comfortable talking to when you need support.

Seek support from a counselor.

7. Why won’t my friend just leave thier abusive partner?

People who are victims of relationship violence become conditioned to believe that there is nothing they can do to help themselves.

Self-Esteem: The person who is abusing them may have attacked their self-esteem to the point that they believe that they deserve the abuse or that they can’t make it on their own.

Fear: Your friend may stay because they are terrified that thier partner will become more violent if they leave, or because thier partner has threatened to harm them (retaliation) if they leave.

Economic Dependence: They might not have a place to go, money to support themselves if they leave, or friends and family to support them.

Love: They might believe that they are in love and thier partner will change because of love.

Other Factors: Cultural factors, language barriers, and religious and familial pressure.

Keep in mind that the average person in a domestically violent situation tries to leave the situation seven times before they are successful at leaving permanently. Support your friend and help them regain that feeling of hope and self-worth until they are able to make the break.

8. How can I help a friend if I find out about an abusive situation?

Listen to them and believe them.

Tell him/her that the abuse is not their fault.

Don’t be afraid to let them know that you are concerned about safety.

Help them recognize that what he/she is experiencing is abuse and is not ok.

Tell them that they are not alone and that help is available.

Seek expert assistance.

Help them to recognize that what is happening is not “normal”.

Let them know that it is not their fault that they are being abused – the abuser is responsible for the abuse.

Be non-judgmental.

Help them develop a safety plan.

Offer to go with them to find someone to talk to, a counselor, a family member, friend, teacher, or doctor.

Domestic Violence or Relationship Violence